Things began to get worse. Until next time, enjoy and be safe! I'm not feeling anxious about the situation at the time, I'm actually relieved to be outside and in the company of my non-tweaking friends. About a month ago, my roommate from college and this kid we met from our dorm hall decided to take a road trip up to my hometown. But I still had the feeling I was not finished on earth.
There were no more benzos in my house, but my mother did have a prescription for zolpidem aka Ambien. All the alprazolam and meth in my system affected my judgement and I decided to steal one of her pills. Since they were extended-release, I crushed the pill and swallowed the powder. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to take another one. And then another one. I was keeping a 'trip log' at the time, and the last entry I made read: I think I did another ambien dose of' And stopped there abruptly.
From this point on I had a complete memory black-out. I can only guess at how much zolpidem I took. I found a piece of paper on which I think I was trying to calculate how much I took, and it read 'five crushed', so I know I took at least that much. I remember absolutely nothing until around noon. I don't even know if I passed out or if I was awake for the missing six hours.
But my next memory is putting even more crushed-up Ambien tablets into a plastic bag to give to my girlfriend. All in all, I think I stole around 10 of my mom's pills that morning. Sometime that afternoon, I left the house to go meet up with my girlfriend. I was still very much on drugs, and driving like this was not a good idea. Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people.
The owner was inside it and he got out and he was quite pissed. Thankfully, there was no damage to either car. Not even scuffed paint. So I made it out of that situation without having to deal with the police. We went to Wal-Mart for some reason, and in the parking lot I took out the rest of the meth I had left and snorted it. It was about the same amount as each of the two doses I had taken the day before. I did feel a little stimulated, but I was not euphoric and I was very disappointed. I don't remember what we did to fill the time, but I was out driving around with her all day, and some time during the day I bought an ounce of weed.
In the evening we went to her other friend's apartment and took bong hits the entire time we were there. Eventually some of her other friends who I didn't know came over. I have social anxiety disorder so I was feeling very uncomfortable. I suppose the benzos had worn off by then. We played card games for a while, but eventually the friend's mother came home, and that was just too much. I made some excuse to them that I needed to go back home, so me and my girlfriend left.
I dropped her off at her house and went home. I stole two codeine pills from my dad 60mg total to knock me out, and went to sleep. The next day I felt depressed. It is the worst feeling I have ever felt in my life. I just felt bad. I can't even put it into words. Nothing I did brought me pleasure. Nothing I tried could remove my focus from how depressed I felt.
I was hoping it would go away sometime during the day, but it didn't. At night I laid in bed for several hours not able to sleep because of the depression. Eventually I felt so bad that I began to weep. I realized that there was no point living in this kind of state. It wasn't even living, because I was already dead on the inside, although my body continued on. I began to seriously contemplate suicide. I wasn't on the verge of killing myself that very minute, but I knew that if it would go on like this for much longer I would have to commit suicide.
I called my girlfriend and talked to her for a while, which made me feel a bit better, and eventually I got to sleep. The next day was much the same as the one I just described. Then finally on the third day the depression began to lessen. It by no means disappeared, I still felt empty and dead inside. But it wasn't quite as bad as it had been. The depression continued to lessen over the next few days, until finally it was gone. I think what caused the depression was primarily the meth.
E was escaping into the bathroom periodically, bringing the tray of pot with her, to do lines of what I assumed to be meth or coke, bringing B with her a lot of the time. About twenty minutes later, My friend L comes over, doesn't smoke any of the pot, and talks to E a lot. E is really upset, talking a lot about nothing, and won't stop moving. She seems glad to have someone to talk to. This was pot they had brought, they did not smoke anything out of the tray.
E started freaking out over the presence of J, apparently they don't get a long very well. So we decide to leave. I'm not feeling anxious about the situation at the time, I'm actually relieved to be outside and in the company of my non-tweaking friends. Then, something hit me. It felt like cocaine, but much cruder and less euphoric. I couldn't stop moving for the life of me. That was when L told me that E said she 'laced the weed with tweak.
I rode with L to give her directions and because she was prescribed Xanax alprazolam for anxiety, I thought we could drive to her house and get it, because my muscles were clenching and I felt really bad. Not to say there wasn't a euphoria, I just had no idea how much meth I had ingested and was extremely worried. All during the car ride, I was talking and stroking L's hair and face. My hands were sweating a lot. Finally she gets it, I chew up very hard, my mouth was extremely dry 2 1mg tablets and drive half an hour to J's house.
By the time we got there, I felt perfectly normal, just a bit out of it. Xanax taints my memory, so I don't remember many details after that. We just talked for 3 hours in J's house, smoking cigarettes. M was not as affected as I, but he did not smoke as much. However, he told me he stayed up until 3, completely wired. We both remarked on how we wanted to go jogging. I'm pretty grateful I was with such good friends meth heads excluded , they saved me from having a horrible experience.
Aug 20, Views: